The Kumkuat Korner

Have you ever seen that one movie or read that one book that fills you with so much emotion, you become a wreck by simply the half of the whole thing? The one that makes you feel so wrapped up in the characters, and you grow with them, emotionally attaching yourself to the main character because you feel you understand him... Or her. And then, as you are nearing the end of the story, you are a sobbing mess of emotions so thick you can barely breathe. You feel hot. Your heart pounds in your chest. You feel excitement, sorrow, broken, jealous, angry, content, annoyed, a wild tide of feelings that you can't  .... won't settle on one in particular. You are happy for the ending, but you begin to feel empty because you return, to your body, your own feelings, your own story. You wonder how you would act if it was you in the place of the hero... or villain, or monster. or foe. That feeling that there is something more . An ache in your chest, a sort of hollow...

Sometimes, I don't want to be me.  There's nothing good about me. Really, there isn't. I imagine what it would be like in other people's shoes. Sometimes a rich person's expensive shoes.  Sometimes a person without shoes and with only the clothes on their back and a dog named Jelly Bean. Or a person with absolutely no obligations, nothing holding them back from doing anything or nothing at all. I wish I could be anyone. Anyone, but me. I space out, wish I didn't have big hips. big breast, belly rolls, and a flat ass.  Wish my I had a body that everybody wanted or a body that at least got noticed, but certainly not mine. In my head, I rip my soul out of my body and place it on someone beautiful or handsome or plain or ugly.  But I can't.  Because I'm not anybody.  I'm just me. So, I stick to what I have.  I flaunt the things I have plenty of. Wit, snide, intuition, sarcasm, sass,  cleavage.  And shrug off the things that you p...