The Kumkuat Korner

Soooooo, a lot of stuff has happened in one week! (Dunn dunn duuuun) My mother has came back from Mexico but had to go to work right away on that same weekend. =[ The day AFTER my birthday, fricken jury duty filed for mistrial and decided to let all the jurors go. Great. Cause I had nothing better to do on MY birthday. But NOW I'm suddenly free. Bummer. Anyways, I celebrated (sort of) by going clubbing with my sexy mother and my smexy aunts at a chic club called  The Mayan . It's pretty big and amazing with absolutely great music all night long. My mother goes clubbing every weekend with my aunts and she finally gets to take me with her... yes, I wanted to stay home, but I let her badger me into a clubbing outfit that was totally cleavage revealing and short with some nice black pumps to show my awesome calves. The whole clubbing experience wasn't new to me. I mean my first clubbing experience was also with my mother and some of my cousins in Mexico. I was 14 with the ...

Well today is my birthday. A day of celebration and great achievement: I'm officially 21!! Yay! Now I get to go to bars and drink (not that I never drank at parties with my friends before cause I did) and go to Las Vegas and not get escorted out by security, because that has happened before. I was 16 and I was accompanying my mother to the slot machines. Thanks to my mother's side of the family, I have been gifted with really big boobs (since like middle school) and the shirt I was wearing has a low top. Not a single security guard stopped me, and I was even bold enough to sit down at a machine next to my mother's seat, almost in front of one of the security guards. Of course it wasn't until my father came, and like a true Jewish mother, scolded me on having my shirt too low. I rolled my eyes, walked to the room, and got put on a baggy t-shirt that covered my great assets. As soon as I stepped foot in the slot machines, I was hounded by two security guards right aw...

Happy Mothers Day! I never forget Mother's Day, because it always manages to land on my birthday or my birthday week. So I'm constantly fighting my mother for attention (not that hard but still I try). For example, last year, my birthday was EXACTLY on MOTHER'S DAY . And to top it off, I was really sick that day. My boyfriend at the time, came to wish me and my mother a happy day, but I was asleep. He arrived at 10AM. I didn't wake up until 4PM. Not that I wanted to. Just that I woke up at 7 in the morning and has a nasty fever and cough and sore throat, and couldn't even hear from either ear, and every time I swallowed, it felt like I was trying to swallow a cactus. So my dad gave me a medicine that totally knocked me out cold for hours. Anyways, I want to thank every mother in this world, big or small, furry or bald, human or animal, doesn't matter who she is or what she is, she is a mother. You deserve this day. Hell, you deserve a year, but that wouldn...

Today I came across 10 insulting words. I am pretty sure I am going to use them from now on... Check them out! 1. FRENCHIFY (v) Definition : 1) To make French in quality or trait 2) To make somewhat effeminate, and 3) To contract a veneral disease (a 19th century slang). Analysis : We have the English to thank for this word. Most people implicitly understand that it means to become more like the French, but not a lot know the second or the third meaning. We’re still not sure which is more insulting. 2. BESCUMBER (v) Definition : To spray with poo. Analysis : Actually bescumber is just one of many words in the English language that basically mean “to spray with poo”. These are: BEDUNG, BERAY, IMMERD, SHARNY, and the good ol’ SHITTEN. In special cases, you can use BEMUTE (specifically means to drop poo on someone from great height), SHARD-BORN (born in dung), and FIMICOLOUS (living and growing on crap). Alternative : If that is too vulgar, you can use BEVOMIT and BEPISS, which meanings...

I have jury duty. Now, most people would be like, "Jury Duty, what a pain in the (insert body part here)!" But, I, however, am pretty excited at being selected to do so.  I should be looking for work rather than sit around with my laptop and free wifi-, or the 15 dollars per day pay (plus the lonely .34 cents for each mile you have to commute, and the free bus passes galore. Yeah, I have it easy. Now with the bus, of course I am bound to meet interesting everyday people (or random weirdos like me) and psychos to boot. This morning, on my way to court, took my usual seat in the very front of the bus. You know, the ones where they have you face the windows and are forced to look at other people. I take the front seat because its the best seat in the house! I can keep an eye on everybody and observe. I was casually minding my own and business,  as i looked outside the window when I overheard chunks of conversation that two African American ladies were having next to me....

Hey Everyone, Yesterday I attended the First Sunday Picnic  From blogger Tempus Fugit. It was a lot of fun! Although not many people came as the month of April, but still it was an awesome day! By the time my father and I got home, we groaned and moaned like ancient Señor citizens. Even now, I'm sore from the heavy duty paddle ball fights, (which of course I'm THE best....sometimes), falling on my butt several thousands of times, twisting my ankle  painfully on the gopher holes on the grass, and catching the baseball, (which I left to the men to do, since I can't throw to even save my life!), and then of course there was the massive amounts of food that needed to be consumed and what not This months theme was Pirates (well not really. It was British themed, but seeing how our gracious host was in a Captain Jack Sparrow mode, it seemed appropriate to add pirates.) The food was delicious, scrumcious yumminess that hit my tummy with a satisfying thump, and the hom...